When the dream stays vivid
Beyond the coffee clarity
Sobriety’s hangover forges
A wretched phantom dread

When the dream stays vivid
Beyond the coffee clarity
Sobriety’s hangover forges
A wretched phantom dread
My weather app grows
Blessing my cherished travel
Rain in Rome today
Overflowing opening lines
Spill a cloudy brew.
Forgotten. Unwritten.
Victimized by gravity
Diving for fragments
The urgency arm flails
Grasping at nothing
Or a shimmering mask
Dunked into the bleak
Of elusive words
In hazy patterns
Screaming for attention.
A roar of lucidity
Without memory
Or manuscript
In my memory “the girls”, my sisters, hid daily in our next-door neighbor’s pine paneled basement. Those older kids, almost teenagers, played whole-heartedly. All summer. The Game Of Life. Clue. Cootie. Cribbage. Endless Monopoly games.
As a kid of five or six they grudgingly allowed me to tag along to the basement refuge my sisters loved. I promised to be quiet and swore not to be annoying. The sweet boy-next-door, a young teenager, tossed me over the sofa back into the fluffy pillows. I loved that the most. Then he dove himself with a laugh and Fosbury Flop before it was even a thing. My hero. The black and white TV blinked non-stop gray. A Ping-Pong ball clicked time with our fun. I understood my sisters’ heaven.
That musty basement was real perfection. And then it wasn’t any more. The afternoon when it changed the college-age sister of the sweet boy whose basement we loved stood on the steps yelling “Don’t you kids have your own damn home?” She was fierce and strong and scary as hell. We slunk up the stairs, hearts pounding. Tails tucked, heads down. Unwelcome refugees. Hugging the wall against her glare. Shame.
My sisters continued playing next door but I stayed home. And when I was old enough I spent most of my time on the creek in the woods behind our neighborhood. I loved the green quiet where I basked in made-up adventures. I was a daring hero with a pocketknife and rope coiled on my belt. Keeping my distance with imaginary armor.
Stark and excellent leafless tree variegated fatigue
Patterned bark covering thick powerful trunk twins awe
Struck skeletal soul surprises (death becomes you beautiful
Lifeless giant) why did you go? Who mourns your
Passing as frolicking lush spring green surrounds
Delighting in wondrous newness sprouting new leaves
Before patient eyes thickening scrub flowering evolving
Please remember past cooling shade shadows cast
Broad reach no more still standing tall reminding those who
Listen of transitory mortality temporary presence quiet
Or loud departure watchtower fixed firm awaiting
Inevitable hollowing decay past strength forever gone
They say I make up memories
Baby memories I shouldn’t recall
I scoff, and run the memory movie
Giggling sister jumping on big bed
Me at her feet, little 2-year-old body bouncing
I laugh… laugh more…bounce higher, can’t stop laughing
9-year-old legs jump higher, bouncing my giggling body still higher
50s style sharp corner night table looms
Then, my dad, starched white shirt, skinny tie, shaking head
Me, head on Mom’s lap, scratchy sofa on bare legs
Bloody dishtowel wrapped ice pack covers my eye
“Again?” Dad asks